Distribution: Sure... just ask me first and tell me where it's going.
Disclaimer: Unless I suddenly changed gender, I am not Joss Whedon, therefore I don't own the characters in this story. I don't even own the idea, seeing as this is a point of view.
Authors Note: I would appreciate feedback and creative criticism. This takes place during "Passion" when Buffy and her mother have 'the talk.' It's from Buffy's POV. I am thinking of writing a companion piece from Joyce's POV, or maybe someone else wants to write it? I need feedback, though. Please! I know this is late, 'cause we're almost in the 4th season already, but it came to me after having way too many thoughts and I wondered how Buffy felt throughout their conversation and afterwards. Also, I wasn't content with some of the answers she gave, so this is my take on why she said them. And, if I make any mistakes, tell me, 'cause I did the best I could. Enough with the babbling... here's the story.
I sat nervously on my bed as I watched my mother pace in front of me. "That stuff with the Latin and the herbs, uh, he's just real superstitious," I told my mother.
She sat down with her eyes closed. "Oh."
I continued with my story, "We just thought if..."
"Was he your first?" she interrupted, turning to look at me. She got up and started pacing again. "No, wait. I don't want to know. I don't think I want to."
Oh, boy. This is gonna be one of those mom talks. "Yeah, he was the first," I replied, averting my eyes. "I mean the only."
She stopped and looked at me. "He's older than you," she said. Like I didn't know that.
"I know," I answered instead.
"Too old," she continued. "And he's obviously not very stable. I really wish..." she stopped and sat down again. I could tell she was very upset. "I just thought you would show more judgment."
I hurried to defend myself. "He wasn't like this before."
"Are you in love with him?"
That was the question. I wanted to cry and scream 'yes!' But that would've only made things more complicated. I loved him more than life itself and that was the main reason why I couldn't kill him. I was definitely in love with him. But saying that to my mother was out of the question. So I slightly dodged it instead.
"I was," came my simple reply.
She continued with the drilling. "Were you careful?"
Embarrassed, I looked away. This was one conversation I did not want to be having with my mother. "Mom, this is no time..."
She got up again and looked at me. She gave me an intimidating feeling when she used her authoritative voice and stood above me. "Don't 'Mom' me, Buffy," she said harshly. "You don't get to get out of this. You had sex with a boy you didn't even see fit to tell me you were dating." Boy? Angel and boy do not go in the same sentence.
I nodded. "I made a mistake..." I started.
"Yeah, well, don't just say that to shut me up, because I think you really did."
I was getting frustrated. She had no idea about half that things that had happened to me and about how much I suffered when I had discovered Angel had lost his soul. Oh, I made a mistake all right. My mistake wasn't sleeping with him. I wouldn't regret that for as long as I lived. I valued that one perfect night with him. My mistake was not even thinking about what could happen. Not researching the curse to make sure there weren't any loopholes. I couldn't have known, I know that. But I can't help but wonder if there was anything I could've done to prevent it. I continued my story.
"I know that!" I cried. "I... I can't tell you everything!"
"How about anything?" she asked. "Buffy, you can shut me out of your life, I'm pretty much used to that." That hurt. It was then that I remembered my mother didn't know about my secret life. I was protecting her. She didn't know for her own good. I realized that just because she didn't know, didn't mean I could shut her out completely. She continued, "But don't expect me to ever stop caring about you, because it's never gonna happen. I love you more than anything in the world." She sat down next to me once again. "That would be your cue to uh, roll your eyes and tell me I'm grossing you out."
I looked at her. "You're not," I answered truthfully.
She took a deep breath. "Oh, well..." she let it out. "I guess that was the talk."
I turned to glance at her. "So, how'd it go?"
She turned to look at me. "I don't know," she said and smiled a little. "It was my first."
I heard footsteps outside in the hall, and I remembered Willow was in the house. "Will?" I called out. Her head appeared at the door.
"Hi," she said shyly.
"It's ok," I told her. "I'm alive." I glanced at my mom and she stood up.
"Well, I guess that's my cue to leave. I'll leave you girls to your gossip." She smiled at Willow and left her room. We followed her with your eyes until we knew she was out of earshot. Willow entered my room and closed the door behind her. "So, how'd it go?"
I sighed. "Not that bad, actually."
"Really?" she sat down beside me on my bed.
"Oh, Will, I miss him so much!" I told her and leaned forward, tears in my eyes. She enveloped me in a hug and whispered soothing words into my ears. I hadn't broken down in front of anyone since it happened, but the memories were too much now.
"Don't worry," she said. "I mean... well..."
I looked up and smiled at her. "You're a great friend, you know that?" I just felt the need to let her know and I wasn't sure why. She smiled but didn't say anything.
"Do you think he'll ever come back to me?" I felt like a little child asking that, but I needed some type of reassurance that he would come and sweep me off my feet one day and we would live happily ever after, even if it wasn't true.
Willow nodded vigorously. "I'm sure he will," she said confidently. "I mean, you guys are perfect for each other. You were totally meant to be. And, I don't think Fate would be so cruel. You saved the world and all, and..." she trailed off when she realized she was starting to babble. But, somehow, I knew her words were true. Someday, Angel and I would be back together forever. Someday...
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